A Confession For Forgiveness
by Rawkin Paradox
Summary: Humans are interesting creatures, but one can’t help but feel pity for them either. [Ryuk Centric]


_**Character – **Ryuk (Centric)**  
Manga/Anime –** Deathnote  
**For –** No one, because I don't think it's good enough.  
__**Author's Note**: Meh, tis my first Death Note fanfic. I've only read vol. 1 and watched the first five episodes. I know it might be a little OOC for Ryuk (and yes, I just had to mention the apples:D), so feedback telling me where and how I've royally messed up would be greatly grand and appreciated. :D  
**Disclaimer**: Nein. Don't own. Otherwise, there'd be a lot more Ryukkie and his apples:D_  
_**Summary – **Humans are interesting creatures, but one can't help but feel pity for them either._

* * *

**A Confession For Forgiveness**

I dropped it on purpose. I couldn't help it. My boredom took over, and it seemed like the simplest thing to do at the time. You know, drop the Death Note, stir up a little chaos, and have a blast. _Humans are fun!_ I thought at the time. But that was before he came along.

He picked up my Death Note, and with it, he gained ambition. He wanted to rid the world of evil, to create a wonderful utopia of love, peace, and justice. He wanted to become a _god_.

He was brilliant enough to become one, too. He made a superb shinigami. I watched him, every night, as he sat, hunched over, scribbling the names of those who he had deemed "unsuitable to live." I'd often lurk over his shoulder, munching away hungrily at an apple, asking him a constant barrage of questions as his pen scribbled ferociously across the pages. He'd often get annoyed at my childlike naivety, but I couldn't help it. The human world was so…interesting and full of life compared to the shinigami realm. I had so much to ask. His logic amazed me, and for awhile after it was all over, I'd find myself flipping to that page where I had written his name, and I couldn't help but wonder what he would have become if things hadn't have turned out like they did. _Would he have become the next L? Would he have followed his dream and become the next NPA Chief? Would he do this? Would he do that? What would he, no, could he have become?_

I shouldn't be beating myself up over this. He _knew_ the rules. He _knew_ I'd take no sides. I was not Jealous or Rem. I felt **_NO_** attachment to him. He was well aware that I wouldn't, _couldn't_, interfere, and that it would be _I_ who wrote his name down in the Death Note. That's what I thought at the time, anyways. But, it's been six months, that'd be twenty years in human time, since it all happened, and I still find that his image haunts me, asking **why**? _Why couldn't I have broken just one more rule and helped him? Why couldn't I have saved his life?_ I don't know. Maybe it was because I was selfish. I didn't want to die. Any time a shinigami saves the life of a person, they die. He _knew_ that. He used that trick against Rem. _I didn't want to die, damnit_. And because of my selfishness, I let my friend, possibly the only best friend I've ever had, die.

There are the little things I miss. I miss munching on apples and sitting on his bed while he wrote his "Judgment List" out. I miss following him everywhere and constantly chatting in his ear. It always drove him crazy because he knew that if he passed someone while talking back to me, they'd think he was insane. I miss that look in his eyes when he knew he had L or Near cornered and outsmarted. I miss the way he'd calmly turn around and speak to me like I was just another person and not a shinigami. I even miss the way he would get annoyed with me when I forgot to tell him things. He was my friend, and I was his, even though both of us would never admit it. I know that I'll never truly forgive myself for writing his name. I _could_ have been like Rem… I _could_ have let him live. But no, I was too blind to see that, and since I was finished with him, I threw away his life like a child does to an old toy. It was only after his funeral that I realized what I had lost. I'm going to make it up to him, though. I've been following and watching Sayu, his little sister, for a long time now, and she has very little time left. If I save her, I know everything will be ok. I just wrote her murderer's name in my Death Note, and I know I've only got a few seconds left before I'm turned into dust, but in sacrificing myself for her, I hope it's good enough for a redemption with you, Light. I can't take back what I've done, so I can only hope your death was a merciful one, my friend. And who knows? Maybe in another life, we'll meet again. _Do you think we'll be friends, Light…?_


End file.
